You know those certain people you meet, who just have interesting auras? You see them for the first time and for some reason, they completely capture your attention; it could be the way they’re sitting, hunch-backed and alertly glancing around or leaning over a paper or a book, or the definitive lack of a smile on their face, or definitive secrets behind their happiest expressions, or maybe when their eyes meet yours, the depth within them impacts you, and you become enamored; or whenever they speak, it’s meaningful and overflowing with hidden messages between specially crafted lines and you feel maybe only you could perceive and understand what special things could be hiding under their sadly smug smirk or forlorn half-smile and sometimes, it remains that way. You see them around occasionally, but you two never meet, and you’re always left to wonder what if and become jealous of the people you see with them often, the ones who know the things you’d give so much to. But frankly, sometimes meeting them is a worse fate because how could you not become immediately and fatally infatuated with someone who captured your focus at first sight? how could every small revelation of their soul or every quick line leading in to their thoughts not fill up your emptiness just a tad bit more, not tug at your heart strings and force your care out of its hidden pockets and throw it out uninvited? How could you not fall in love? How could you get over the pain of their leaving, their final angrily deadpanned phrases, the broken fragments of their promises and the fact you weren’t good enough for the person who had so quickly and easily overtaken your entire mind and all the love you had to offer? How could you listen to the same songs and visit the same places and wander the same hallways with the memories shrouding you? How could the world continue, how could you continue when you’ve become so in love with their soul, their mind, their essence that you could never ever get over it, pick yourself up, find another anything like they were? You’ve come to need it, to need the comforting unpredictability of how their good mornings will sound and the shifty guardedness of their eyes and the internal rush of joy at doing things for them and hearing their laugh and being wrapped up in their arms and safe. You want them there when you have thoughts and ideas and you need them when you cry, because nothing else could comfort you and they’re everywhere because they became your everything, and just because they’ve left doesn’t mean that changes.
We are living in this generation where stories for teenagers are all about other creatures (i.e. zombies, vampires, casters, werewolves, etc.) fall in love with humans. They fall in love with each other even if it is so wrong because of their differences. Maybe the secret message on this is that we shouldn’t be afraid to fall in love with anyone no matter how different they are from us. There may be a lot of obstacles but we will always find a way to solve each problem. Because love is the strongest weapon of all and once you have it, you are unbreakable.
It’s pretty sad how easily I get attached to people. If a boy talks to me for even just two days, non-stop and then on the third day stops talking to me, I will get upset. That’s how easily I get attached to people. It sucks because I have high expectations and I usually get disappointed. It’s no one’s fault but my own but I can’t help it. I really just want someone to stick around in my life and for them to be permanent. Because lately, it doesn’t seem like anyone in my life stays; they all end up leaving at some point. I just wish I had a clique of friends so maybe I could feel like I was part of something or felt as if I had friends. I spend most nights laying in bed crying. I just want to feel like I matter to someone and like someone wants me in their life as much as I want them in mine.